Welcome to Benidorm – a place where the sun never stops shining, the sangría never stops flowing, and your dignity… well, that usually stops sometime around 2:43 AM outside a neon-lit karaoke bar. If you’ve woken up in a puddle of regret, still wearing a sombrero and hugging a half-eaten kebab, congratulations: you’ve experienced the quintessential Benidorm hangover.
This is your brutally honest, laugh-through-the-pain survival guide – from the depths of dehydration to the sweet, salty salvation of seafood paella.
1. The Morning After: Waking Up in the Wreckage
You open one eye. The ceiling is spinning. The sun is a personal attack. Your WhatsApp has 37 unread messages – 12 of which are just laughing emojis. There’s sand in your bed, a sunburn in places you didn’t know could burn, and you’ve somehow acquired a rubber duck named Carlos.
Benidorm does not believe in soft landings.
Your first mission: locate water, pants, and your moral compass (not necessarily in that order).
Pro tip: Always travel with a bottle of water by your bed. And maybe a priest.
2. Shame Has a Pool View
You finally make it to the hotel pool, hoping for shade and solace. Instead, you’re greeted by a dozen other red-eyed warriors wearing sunglasses indoors, nursing cervezas at 10 AM like it’s completely normal (because in Benidorm, it is).
This is group therapy – no judgment, just mutual suffering.
The pool becomes a scene from The Walking Dead: SPF 50 zombies dragging their feet, slowly regenerating with each splash.
Important: Resist the urge to cannonball. Your stomach still remembers last night’s tequilas.
3. The Healing Power of Grease and Guilt
Nothing sobers you up like a Full English Breakfast served with a side of regret. Eggs, bacon, beans – all fried in the same pan of questionable hope. You don’t even like black pudding, but today, it’s your emotional support food.
If you’re feeling adventurous (or still a little drunk), chase it with a café con leche and a croissant from a local panadería – the closest thing to divine intervention you’ll find.
4. Flashbacks and Evidence
You scroll through your phone. The horror begins.
Photos you don’t remember taking. Videos you don’t remember starring in. A receipt for a 2AM mechanical bull ride. A note in your phone that just says, “Never trust a man named Paco.”
This is the part where denial kicks in.
Accept it: You are now officially “that tourist.” Embrace it.
5. The Redemption Begins: Tapas and Tranquility
By mid-afternoon, you’re no longer a public hazard. It’s time to rejoin society – slowly.
Stroll to the Old Town. Sit in the shade. Order tapas: patatas bravas, jamón, maybe even some olives. Each bite is a step toward redemption.
Your body is 60% sangría, 30% regret, and 10% chorizo. But your soul is healing.
6. The Siesta – A Spanish Miracle
At 4PM, the universe gives you permission to nap.
This isn’t laziness. This is cultural respect.
Blackout curtains. Air conditioning. A horizontal position. You fall asleep to the distant sound of British tourists arguing about football and the gentle hum of a street performer playing “Despacito” on pan flute.
Bliss.
7. The Evening Rebirth (Or Not)
You wake up renewed – or at least functional. Do you:
- A) Go for a scenic walk along Levante Beach and reflect on your questionable choices?
- B) Book a dolphin-watching boat tour?
- C) Return to the same Irish pub and pretend it’s your first night all over again?
Whatever you choose, remember: Benidorm forgives, but your liver might not.
8. Final Thoughts: Embrace the Chaos
A Benidorm hangover is not a tragedy. It’s a rite of passage. A story to tell. A cautionary tale wrapped in sunscreen and sangría.
You came, you partied, you faceplanted – and now, you rise.
So go ahead. Book that evening flamenco show. Order another paella. Smile at Carlos the rubber duck. You earned this.
Because in Benidorm, even your worst day still comes with a sea view.
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